A Life Redeemed

Remaining with God - Last Entry

2008-07-13T21:01:00.003-04:00

You know those times when the Lord keeps hitting on a specific theme, or in cases like this just one specific passage of scripture? Isn't that sweet? The first time I remember feeling the weight of this verse was just a couple of years ago while I was reading a book about single life as a Christian (I honestly can't even remember which book it was). The author quoted 1 Corinthians 7:17 "Only let each person lead the life which the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." I remember the lightbulb moment of realizing, "Oh! Scripture says it that plainly and clearly!" That is a great nugget verse for me in the battle for contentment. I love the thoroughness of scripture - that God just covers every topic clearly and perfectly. This enlightenment came at a time where I still was very prone to covetting mothers who get to be home with their children and even get to home school them. That's a desire I've had probably as long as I've been a mother, but God has had other very good plans which I would be missing out on. His wisdom is so far beyond mine and is absolutely perfect!

I've been reading "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper which has a chapter entitled: Remaining With God, addressing many people's call to bring glory to God and share the gospel in a secular work setting. The title of the chapter is drawn from the concluding verse of the passage which starts with 1Cor. 7:17. Verse 24 says, "So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. Well guess what - God called me as a single mother - and he has seen fit to keep me there. Right now that necessitates that I work to provide for my family and that brings glory to God. It means that I must find him alone sufficient for every need and want and I am never disappointed! But how helpful it is to look at scripture and be certain that God is sovereign and good and that he has perfectly designed this for his glory. This is the life he has generously and graciously assigned to me. And how sweet it is compared to the "life" I would have if he had not turned me from my sin! Knowing that gives me much peace and joy in the day to day. And he does give me ample opportunity to speak about him with coworkers which I would not have if I were not blessed with this calling! And it blows my mind when I look back over these years and see a trail of lives affected by the gospel and saved from hell! because of how he uses weak vessels!

Another thing which really struck me in this book was the challenge to deny myself more for the direct benefit of others. While there are countless ways to do this, there was one that the Lord kept bringing to mind and giving me a real longing to pursue. It has a financial commitment involved and this is a season where the budget is changing dramatically already. So after seeking God's direction for where I could cut back on spending for myself so I might be able to sow toward others I began to see that internet and phone are really a luxury right now. This opportunity is so much more important and will, Lord willing, one day have an eternal impact. So this means no more posting, but sadder than that is not being able to keep up with friends' blogs. I'll try to find time on lunch breaks to peek in on my girls and see how each of you are doing. Thank you for all of the sweet and encouraging thoughts you've left for me here. You are dear sisters and I thank God for you!

A Misty Morning

2008-07-04T18:41:00.006-04:00

We had a mildly foggy morning recently , the kind where if you look at a dark background you can actually see the water droplets swirling up around you. So I went out web-shooting. It's a little creepy to consider how very many spiders are all around us but we just don't see most of them. I like seeing their webs in the dew though. One of those displays of God's glory my Mom taught me to appreciate.

I don't know what kind of spiders make these webs in the grass but our lawn was spotted with them all over, this was the biggest.

Our pretty Tiger Liles at the back of the yard

I had to run to Walmart for a few things this morning. I often feel silly having Xavier use my girly smelling soap, though he never complains. So I offered to get him some manly soap. He was very excited! He sniffed each package until we found a winner. As I added it to the basket he asked, "Can I get some deodorant too?" The clerk in the aisle laughed at him and reminded me how very quickly these years are passing.

When we got home he helped put things away and was eager to open a bar of "his soap". To his amusement the bar actually says, "Dial for Men" on it :-) I told him to look manly so I could take a picture of him with his manly soap. In the first shot he must have been distracted by those big biceps. Doesn't he look macho... in front of the flowery shower curtain? ;-)

While praying before lunch Xavier said, "... and thank you Lord that they stopped killing the flock..." I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but the rest of the prayer was pretty sound so I had to ask what he was thinking of here. He clarified that it was in reference to making animal sacrifices. He concluded that "no one must have enjoyed that - except David because he sure sacrificed a lot." He didn't hesitate when I asked him why we don't need to sacrifice animals anymore. Thank you Jesus for becoming the only sacrifice we'll ever need!!!! It was a neat opportunity to recount all the ways scripture points to the saving death of Christ from the beginning of creation. The Lord is really working in Xavier's heart to trust and love him. Any time Xavier prays, no matter what the initial point is, he always thanks Jesus for paying for our sins on the cross. That is so precious and encouraging to my heart! Thank you God for the mercy you pour on our family!

While he was finishing lunch I was reading from our dessert book "A Gospel Primer for Christians" by Milton Vincent. I found this quote so refreshing. The Lord has been focusing my attention on how I have nothing to boast in but Jesus Christ and his willingness to save me. So as I finish going through Romans, and C.B.'s wrapping up Galatians, and I'm relfecting on notes from this series which explain that the gospel is freedom from self not freedom to self (oh that is what I need! Thank you Lord!) I get to read this:

"God deliberately designed the gospel in such a way so as to strip me of pride and leave me without any grounds for boasting in myself whatsoever... Pride wilts in the atmosphere of the gospel... Conversely, humility grows lushly in the atmosphere of the gospel... such humility intensifies my passion for God and causes my heart increasingly to thrill whenever he is praised."

"My soul makes its boast in the Lord; the humble shall hear it and rejoice." Psalm 34:2
Oh I want and need more of this - what wonderful news that Jesus had done all that is necessary for me to obtain it!

A New Look and a New CD

2008-06-22T16:44:00.003-04:00

Lots of people have heard about the strange allergic reaction I had around my eyes a month ago. Under an allergists care I was being treated with steroids and allergy pills, but there was no indication what the allergen may be. I had some strange side effects to the steroids, beginning with a rash that started on my face and was spreading down my torso. Then I had a few other quirky things happen so we decided steroids were not the best treatment option. I had a strong feeling it was not a pollen allergy and so I just took the Zyrtec to appease the Dr. He asked that if it flared up again I come in to see him right away. Last Sunday night I put some Vitamin E under my eyes, which has been my practice for a couple of years now. I've known for some time that I'm very sensitive there and can't use most lotions without getting itchy and uncomfortable, but have never had any real swelling. Vitamin E is the only thing I've found which was safe... until now. This is how I woke up Monday morning:

No... my nose was not swollen too, I just held the camera about 5 inches from my face to get this shot, which should also account for why I look rather cross-eyed. I propose that, should I one day be engaged, you show these pictures to my future husband and tell him this is what I look like in the morning. If he can find the humor in it and love me still - he's a keeper!

The new theory is that I've recently developed an allergy to some ingredient in the Vitamin E capsules. The allergist and I have narrowed it down to Gelatin. Being the curious type that I am, I popped another one open and rubbed it on my arm just to see if I would have a reaction there. Sure enough, I had little red bumps that were barely noticable in the morning. As the day went on it began to itch and by the next morning, despite several washings, it was noticeably spreading and more bothersome. The funny part is, last time this happened I kept putting more and more Vtamin E on to soothe the discomfort, not realizing I was multiplying it! My new find is chapstick - that seems to be ok and has helped to soothe the discomfort. I've also used some prescription strength hydrocortisone to take down the swelling and redness. The Dr said it's pretty much the same reaction someone would have from rubbing poison ivy under their eyes if they were allergic to it (which I am not!) So as you can imagine, after a week of treating myself with the irritant I was looking much worse than this picture after just one exposure to it. I'm convinced this isn't a food allergy, that it's just a contact allergy. I'm believing I will be able to enjoy Jello in the future, but there's only one way to find out...

On another note, my beloved Miss Keri has yet again blessed me by sharing a great music find. Before she left for vacation last week she dropped off the newest Na Band CD : Looked Upon. After about 3 days I decided this would be well worth adding to my own library and had one placed on order which I was hoping would arrive before she came home and wanted hers back :-) I would highly recommend this CD to anyone in the world! These people have incredible music gifts! Musically it is the best CD I have heard in a long time. But the words are just excellent! They are so gospel centered, and performed with an evident genuineness. I'm provoked to love God more and pursue more diligently what it means to worship in spirit and in truth because of examples like this! Here is the last verse from one of my very favorite songs on Looked Upon:

Stretch out Your arm, victorious King
My reigning sins subdue
Defeat the pride that dwells within
Keep Calvary in my view
A guilty, weak, and helpless soul
Into Your hands I fall
Lord, be my strength and righteousness
My Jesus, be my all
My Jesus, be my all
My Jesus, be my all
taken from "Jesus, Be My All (How Sad Our State)"
words by Isaac Watts (1709), additional words by Devon Kauflin and Bob Kauflin 2008

Thank you Keri for sharing your passion for Jesus and appreciation for music with me! I'm so glad I have you as a friend, a sister, a neighbor, a care group carpooler and a worship team cohort. You are a blessing to me and I thank God for you!

My Dear Valentines

2008-06-19T21:07:00.005-04:00

I love my Valentines! God is so kind to give me such dear friends! I got to spend some time out with Julie this week and was refreshed and encouraged by sharing sweet fellowship with her. I'm going to guess that 9 out of 10 people who would visit this blog can quickly agree with that statement. (The other "1" would be family or others who may not know her) Julie, I love your desire to honor God as a wife and mother and how you tirelessly seek ways to care for the ladies in our care group and throughout the church. You speak openly and specifically about your sin, and you do a great job giving and receiving encouragement! Thank you for the way you regularly invite me into your life and the reality of the battle against flesh. You are often on my heart and prayed for with much love!

On top of Keith finding tons of practical ways to care for and serve our family, and helping me understand scripture more clearly, he has this uncanny ability to bust on me and encourage me at the same time. I'm not quite sure how that happens, but I don't have another brother quite like him. I'm so glad he's my care group leader and I can't imagine having a better one. Thanks for all the time and energy you've poured into us over the last 2 years, and especially the burden you've carried for Gene and the faithful outworkings of that! We are grateful!

One of my favorite memories so far with Keith and Julie was this Valentine's Day when they showed up at my door with gifts and notes from ladies in our care group (thank you again to all who had a part in that) and topped it off with a singing telegram. I wish I had a video of that to share, but no such luck.

Julie mentioned on her blog that the kids were here and had a water balloon fight last weekend. She kind of missed the punch line though - I used regular balloons and they wouldn't pop when the kids threw them at each other. So I had a yard full of unpopped ballons and a group of kids yelling, "Owe! Please don't" as they were pelting each other with them. I finally convinced them it was all part of the game and no reason to cry. I'm not sure I'll get to babysit them again... I guess it depends on the size of the bruises.

After that we stuck to the squirt bottles but poor Caleb couldn't get his little fingers wrapped around the trigger unless it was facing towards him. He seemed to be fine with this and entertained himself rather than chasing the other kids. I took this video of him with my camera and he kept looking at me and saying, "Cheeese!" Could these kids get any cuter? I love it!

our picnic lunch

Thank you Julie for giving me permission to post these. I hope you get to enjoy the videos now :-)

Our Growing Family and Praises to God!

2008-06-15T18:17:00.003-04:00

First of all - and LEAST importantly - I think today may end a little quest I've been on. It is extremely rare for me to wear a bathing suit. Some summers I don't even get in a pool once so I don't think much about swim suit shopping. I have one that has functioned but I'm not satisfied with the modesty factor on it. With our trip to Hawaii in view I've been praying for a solution and remembering how very difficult it is to find suitable swim wear. I am not an ocean person at all but I have a feeling that will change when we get to Oahu :-) Andrew has offered to teach me to surf and I have every hope of making an "attempt". I'm not expecting it to be pretty, but it will be worth the memory. Today I found some board shorts that, after a little altering, I think will go quite nicely with a full length swim top I have. Niiiice. God is good!

Second of all - and more significantly - my younger sister, Jill, is officially engaged! Next spring I get a new brother-in-law and Xavier gets an Uncle Andrew! We are very excited for them and have seen this coming for many months. Xavier's been tackling him like an uncle for several holiday gatherings now. I love how the Lord keeps adding to our already big family and all of my brothers-in-law just fit in so perfectly with our craziness even though they all have one sibling or were only children growing up. They are some of the neatest men I know and give me hope for what the Lord may have ahead for me.

Third of all - and a little more exciting because I was not expecting this one - I'm going to be an Aunt again! Lord willing, in February, Lori and Jason will welcome their second little one and I get to torment them with snuggles and kisses and tickles! I love having nieces and nephews and Xavier gets such a kick out of how his cousins admire him. The oldest ones are 2 years old and both talk about him quite a bit and watch his every move when they're together (which I remind him of regularly!).

And lastly - and HUGEST of all! - it seems like the Lord is really doing a work in Gene (Xavier's father)! He is really wanting to come to church and is not showing the opposition he once had to the gospel. Several men in our church have been seeking to reach out to him and he is open and responding to them! I can't put in to words what a blessing that is to me as it can be very difficult for me to care for him as a single woman. Please be praying that God would save him and that he would be firmly rooted, not spring up for a time and then wither away. There seems to be a real conviction to turn from a pursuit of sin and he no longer disputes scriptures I mention. This is such a change from even a year ago! Please also pray for his girlfriend, Angie. She is a professing Christian and is supportive of him making these changes (specifically moving into separate homes) while still hoping to one day get married. This is exciting stuff! Could it be that after years of prayer and pleading the Lord is bringing repentance and salvation? Oh please join me in prayer here! God is so merciful!

Bless the Lord!

2008-05-31T07:12:00.006-04:00

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy
name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who
forgives all you iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems you life
from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you
with good so that your strength is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:1-5

After more than a week of having growing discomfort and swollen eyes that would impair my vision at times and make it very difficult to work, I am now doing amazingly better. My doctor was not sure how to treat me at first since I have no known allergies other than to dairy and this was lasting too long (and worsening) for any dairy to still be in my system.

My mom was such a hero yesterday. She picked Xavier and me up to get him to school and me to work because I was really having trouble seeing well enough to feel comfortable driving. If you don't know this about me - it takes a lot for me to not be willing to drive. I feel handicapped without a car - yes the Lord is working on idolatry here and where I place my hope. Then a couple of hours later she picked me up at work and went with me for a follow up appt w/ the Dr. I was going to be treated for cellulitis with antibiotics, I have a prescription for bloodwork to be done on my kidneys and thyroid, and about 7 other prescriptions which I have not filled because they've all been, "You can try this, just in case that's what you have and see if it works". The Lord has ordained that my budget prohibited lots of drug "sampling" and I've just had to seek him for wisdom. The first prescriptions were not helpful.

Yesterday the Dr consulted with an allergist and he wants to see me on Tuesday and gave some recommendations for how to better treat an allergy. So I am now on Zyrtec and Prednisone and already looking incredibly recovered! I woke up this morning and could see! The swelling is so minimal now you can hardly tell and the redness has all but subsided. I actually have open cuts under both of my eyes from how raw they have been! I keep putting chapstick on them to heal the skin and Xavier says, "Your eyes smell minty."

God is so good! For those of you who knew and were praying - Thank you! Please continue to pray for wisdom for the Allergist this week and for God to continually provide the means for treatment. I'm curious to find the allergen since I've never had anything and then to out of no where have such a strong reaction. Some coworkers avoided me or squinted their eyes, saying it was painful for them to even look at me, but most of my close friends helped me to laugh at myself and were gracious with my impaired speed and inability to think clearly at times (when I was consumed with my body screaming at me). Thank you Lord, you are strong and kind to heal!

Girly Things Through a Boy's Eyes

2008-05-28T20:49:00.002-04:00

I stopped into Green Valley Nursery tonight to pick up a gift for a coworker. After smelling 90% of the candles they had I made my selection. As I was finishing up Xavier asked me to turn and look at something behind me. He pointed to a shelf of taper candles and asked, "What are these?" Before I could answer he whispered excitedly, "Dynamite?"

A Sweet Long Weekend

2008-05-26T20:52:00.004-04:00

This has been such a fun and sweet weekend. There were several commitments I had, all of which God just removed from me. I had three days to just relax and enjoy my family. Friday night I picked up hamburgers and told Xavier we could watch a movie before bed. He yelled, "Yea! It's date night again!" When I asked him what a date is he replied, "It's when you drink wine and pan-shane (champaign)" I didn't address his pronounciation, but corrected his perception of what a "date" is. I explained that it is when you get to spend time with someone and talk with them to learn more about their heart. I told him I often have dates with Mrs. Inglin or Mrs. Valentine and never do we drink either of those things!

The skin around my eyes has been bothering me since Wednesday but my eyeballs themselves are perfectly fine. The irritation grew each day and I woke up Saturday morning with both eyes very swollen. I'm not exactly sure why, but I suspect it's an unusual response to some ice cream I ate this week (but it began before I ate it! - only the Lord knows). No sympathy now - I know better! This is a boundary God has set and I sometimes begin thinking it's not real, it's all in my head, I'm just being picky... but then I eat dairy and I'm congested for weeks. So I've spent chunks of each day under the influence of Benadryl with no real benefit but catching up on hours of sleep . It hasn't had any affect on my face, but it's allowed for Xavier to watch lots of videos with me dozing in and out on the sofa. He couldn't have asked for a better weekend!

A feather found at the pond

In between doses I would manage to get outside with him for a while. We went fishing on Saturday. I really believe the Lord would have given me grace to get a fish off the line if he caught anything... but thankfully he didn't :-) We walked over to the creek and dipped our toes in for the first time this year, but it was still much too chilly to think of going any farther in than that.

back by the creek

Today I got to do my favorite household chore: Laundry! I love doing laundry and can't imagine ever growing tired of it, particularly when I get to hang my clothes and sheets outside. I just love it! I get giddy when I see the basket filling up! I'm sure most other moms wonder what it's like to have a day where you don't have to do wash, but it's a treat that doesn't come often enough for me :-) Then Xavier woke up and I got to remind him that it was Memorial Day. We talked about how we remember and honor the men and women who serve our country and protect us. We talked about Jesus being our greatest hero and the most important battle ever won! Then we talked about picking Seth up and all the candy they would get at the parade!

We had so much fun! I love parades! My favorite part is when the drums pound as they're going past and you can feel it in your chest. I also like the old cars, they're so fun. The boys liked all of the fire trucks and the old cars too, and especially the candy! In the middle of the parade one of the fire companies got a call. We saw a driver of the fire truck hand off a young child who had been riding with him and about five men and women who had just marched past turn around and run to the truck. They backed up and turned around quickly. The boys and I prayed for them and the people they were protecting. After the moment of initial surprise the crowd erupted with applause to honor these people for leaving a scene of glory to go serve yet again.

Root Beer floats after a long hot day

(soy ice cream - for the record!)

It has been so sweet to slow down and spend time with Xavier. He's really a funny guy and growing into a young man who loves the Lord. I bought a much needed new pair of sunglasses on Saturday and asked him what he thought. He said he didn't like how wide the sides were. I said, "I know, I'm not used to that either... but at least they have flowers on the sides there, that's kind of cute." He quickly, but gently replied, "Mommy, are you being modest?" I was so surprised by the question I just kind of giggled and wondered where that came from, but thanked him profusely for asking. Was I? I asked what modest meant. He said, "When you want people to look at you and they do and they say Wow!" I asked if he thinks that's what people say when they look at me (jokingly)... he said, "No... but I'm just asking cause I wouldn't want you to be 'un-modest'." I was so grateful for him seeking to care for me that way and most importantly to see God be glorified. I don't think I had impure motives in picking my sunglasses. I pretty much look for the cheapest pair I can get without those plastic nose grippers that aren't some outrageous shape or color. How funny and exciting that he would be thinking that way though!

While we were fishing the other day I was seeking to draw him out and asked how I could be praying for him. He said he didn't know. I asked, "Is there anything you need the Lord to help you with?" He said, "Well, catching a fish would be a good one." We just sat there laughing. I was laughing partly because I was asking myself : do I really want to pray for that?

Tonight at supper he declared that if I am ever lost he will call 911. When I asked what he would say to them he replied, "My mommy is lost. She has brown hair, big brown eyes, a funny nose and a chewing mouth... giggles... and flowered sunglasses... giggles... and she looks beautiful!" Later he added big ears to the description! Was the big eyes comment meant to be a compliment... or a knock on my puffiness? Too bad for him he looks just like me!

A Date Night

2008-05-21T21:30:00.005-04:00

Tonight I got to share a special evening with my little man. First I took him to Isaac's. This is one of our very favorite restaurants. It's rarely busy and we both enjoy the food and atmosphere for a pretty good price. Here he is making his own Peanut Butter, Jelly and Marshmallow Sandwich on Rainbow Bread. He had a lot of fun with the extra long bendy straw. He had it tied in knots and zig zags. This is a heart he made for me.

Then we paid a visit to Miss Leah for some fabulous new do's.

Before

After - The back is higher than before, not sure if you can really tell

While she trimmed me up Xavier flipped through a book Leah had made of styles she likes. He changed his mind a couple of times, but settled on a very fun punky looking teenage boy. I think he looks adorable! He's curious if his friends will recognize him tomorrow.

Before with his beloved Shag look

getting close to bed time, yet Miss Leah plugs away

Ta-Da! A more modern rocker look
His sense of style cracks me up

Thank you Lord for Xavier and the fun I get to have with him!

As we were waiting for Leah to finish with her client before us I picked up the newspaper (which is extremely rare for me, but God had us waiting there and drew my attention to it) and read a very sad article about someone I used to know and how her sin was hurting her child and the judgment she is now facing for it under our nations laws. I sat there weeping and praying for this family and God pierced my heart with grace. If it were not for him drawing me out of death and away from my pursuit of sin I have no doubt that it would be me in the papers and the story would be much worse. I would not be out enjoying my child and talking about God's goodness together over dinner. Xavier snuggled up to me when he saw the tears and I just held him and reminded him again that God has been so merciful to a sinner like me! Thank you Jesus for standing in my place! I go free because you have taken every last drop of the punishment I've earned!

All Boy

2008-05-14T19:32:00.004-04:00

Xavier asked if he could play outside after supper tonight. I was reluctant since it looks like rain could come any minute now. I asked what he wanted to do out there and without hesitating he casually replied, "Well, I was gonna find a tree branch and lift weights or something because I'm not very strong yet." I had to laugh at the picture that popped into my head. And his desire to just be a boy compelled me to release him to the great outdoors.

After a few minutes he was calling me to the window to see a discovery he'd made. There was a whole family of earth worms living under a rock by the shed. They were all different sizes and pretty interesting to him. I realized that I had never really pondered where worms come from and how small a wormy starts out. Some were very tiny!

Not long after he called me again to see a caterpillar he'd found. I stroked it in his hand and commented on how still it was staying. I said, "I'm not sure this is alive Honey." He said, "I know. He suffocated." I asked how that happened. He said, "He suffocated in the spider web before I pulled him out." Eww! I touched that! (I took the picture before I heard the story)

My Little Theologian?

2008-05-01T19:35:00.004-04:00

Xavier was trying to sing the song John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt the other day. I never heard that song until I was a grown up but people assure me it's very popular with children. There's a scene in a movie we watched recently where they show kids singing it for a few seconds so I guess that's where he was introduced to it. He couldn't remember the words apparently because he was walking around singing "John Piper Jambalaya Smith".

Last night I asked him to pick a book for us to read together. He chose a book about George Muller - not what I expected. After reading a bit I asked him why he had chosen that one, and with such enthusiasm. He replied, "Cause that guy has really cool hair!"

New Mercies

2008-04-28T20:57:00.004-04:00

Mercy - compassionate treatment , esp. of those under one's power. a disposition to be kind and forgiving. a blessing

(from the American Heritage Dictionary)

"But this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-22

I was reminded of this verse recently as Xavier came home with some fun and surprising news. I think I've battled with anxiety over him starting school from the time he was about 9 months old. I would worry about where he would go to school - would God provide for us to move out of the city? Would he know when and where to get off the bus? Would he face bullies? All kinds of absurd things which I was never called to bear.

God did provide for us to move out of the city and what an unexpected way to answer prayer! This home is far beyond what we asked or imagined! Yet I must not have been convinced of his faithfulness because I would still have to fight hyperventilating when I thought about adding homework into our daily routine. His homework load has been extremely light and is usually finished when I pick him up from daycare so I just go over it with him. He is doing wonderfully in school despite the small amount of time I get to spend with him in the evenings before bed.

Two weeks ago Xavier came home with his first project: a diorama. I don't know how many times I had to cast that care as I kept looking at the calendar and my wallet. This had come at a time where I was particularly short on money, supplies and time. I didn't know how this was going to look or how I was going to help him learn to budget what's been laid before him. Through hard work and sacrifice (and much prayer) he was finally finished! He was quite proud of his work and eager to get to school on Monday. On Wednesday I picked him up and he was excited for me to guess what grade he received on the diorama. I guessed a letter and he responded, "No! It's a number!" So I guessed a percentage and he said, "Mommy! There are only 3 numbers to choose from... I got a 3." He then showed me a Third Place ribbon! Not what I was expecting at all. It was so neat to get to encourage him for working so hard at his task and being rewarded, but what was foremost in my mind was God's faithfulness. He does not fail to meet me right where I am and fulfill each need for that season!

He is so good to us beyond what I deserve. He gives me the desire and the strength to put forth these weak efforts and he just multiplies the benefit and lavishes me with blessings!

Another of our latest adventures was when Xavier almost stepped on a snake in the backyard. I saw something ahead of him in the grass and realized what it was in time to calmly put a hand out and encourage him to wait. I was trying to be very deliberate not to make him afraid but to make him aware. As he stopped I could tell something wasn't right. This snake was missing it's head! I'm not sure what happened but it was only half a snake and completely harmless. I asked him if he would like to get a stick and dump it in the woods. He didn't hesitate. He ran back and scooped it up to examine it before sending it back to the dust. We were talking about how the Bible said that Jesus would crush the head of the serpent and we would be free from sin and death. There was nothing left to fear. How kind of God to send an illustration that would pique the interest of a young boy :-)

Happy Birthday Xavier!

2008-04-23T21:04:00.011-04:00

Please be kind enough to tell me if I ever sing like this! The lyrics are "Happy Birthday to me, in one more day"

Wow! 7 years! I am so thankful that I've had seven years with my son! He is such a joy to me and God has used him to reveal my sin more clearly than any other individual I know. It's been fun over the last couple of days recounting his birth story with him. I remember holding tiny baby clothes up and trying to picture a face in there... what would my baby look like? I was telling him tonight that when I first saw him I remember clearly thinking, "Oh, of course - how else would he look?" He was just right. He looked just like his family. I was able to let go of the soap opera fear that maybe someone would switch my baby and I wouldn't be able to tell - there was no denying this boy was mine! The sweetest part was the day after he was born ~ when God stripped me of my heart of stone and gave me a new heart of flesh! I look back and see how God was softening me over the months prior but there was a distinct turning point on April 25th as I lay there alone in that hospital room and the Lord drew me to repentance for a life spent on sin. In days to come I would get a taste of the magnitude of love a parent has for their child and this overwhelming desire to protect this little one. God allowed me to marvel at the work of the cross and how he crushed his son for a wicked rebellious thing like me. I love Xavier's birth story but it's extra special to me because of how inseparable it is from the story of God's saving grace over my life!

7 of My Very Favorite Things About Xavier

His love for scripture - he is always very eager for Bible time each morning and evening and if we have a late night out he will ask me to come lay in bed with him to read so he won't miss out on it

His sense of humor - we love being silly together and I love how he's learning to laugh at himself

His desire to protect me and how he still insists he will marry me one day

How he is growing in joyful obedience and self-control

His admiration for men and how he is drawn to those he sees serving and caring for others

How he is growing in repenting quickly, specifically and sincerely

That he loves to rock - he shares my appreciation of music and amuses me with his taste. He has liked the band Skillet since he was about 3 years old. He told me the other day that he looked like Elvis when I gave him white athletic pants to wear (they did not have sequins down the side, just a green stripe! I have no clue how he knows about Elvis!) He heard a bit of Stayin Alive this morning by the BeeGees as I flipped past the oldies station and he said, "This is disco." I asked him where he learned that. He said, "I just figured it out."

Xavier wanted me to get a video of us singing Amazing Grace together because I've been trying to teach him this harmony. Sometimes he gets it, sometimes he just makes something else up (hey, he's his momma's son!) I told him he could cover his ears so he won't hear me singing my part when we do the harmony if it would help him. You'll see that it didn't work. He still sang something else, but it was funny. I'm embarassed to post this with me singing as well, but you've probably all heard me sing anyway.

Here we are getting ready for his party on Saturday and rather than sucking down whipped cream he asks me to squirt his mouth full of deviled egg filling. He is very serious about his deviled eggs.

This was Xavier's special birthday dinner on Wednesday since he'll be eating w/ Daddy on Thursday

Thank you Lord for Xavier Ryan Speedy Monkey Indiana Jones and thank you for calling me out of death and into life through your work on the cross!

Welcome Spring!

2008-04-06T20:44:00.006-04:00

"Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness mercy and love"

- "Great is Thy Faithfulness" by Thomas Chisolm & William Runyan -

I love spring! But much of my enjoyment in spring really flows from how much I LOVE summer!!! Anticipation is half the fun, but I do get giddy over seeing the buds coming forth and hearing the Spring Peepers in the creek on warm nights. I love leaving my winter coat in the closet when I go out the door and I'm beyond eager for the first night I can leave the windows open. Aaah. I was driving home this afternoon and something caught my eye, something beautiful - Magnolia blossoms! They were barely open but I was still stunned by them. I think I may have actually gasped when I saw them because I forgot how they delight my eyes :-) I've been thinking about how Spring is evidence of God's faithfulness. Just like the seasons in a year there are seasons in my walk with the Lord. Each time I feel this great coldness in my heart - when I'm lacking passion, when my eyes only seem to see myself and immediate circumstances, when I am downcast and sinning in unbelief - God is absolutely faithful to bring "spring" to me again. Because of the desperate places my sin takes me, and because he kindly allows me to see that, I long for renewal and fresh vision for his glory. He consistently meets me there and I am never disappointed with where I end up on the other side.

some of the tree buds in our yard

Tonight I was looking at Zechariah 10:1 "Ask rain from the Lord in the season of the spring rain, from the Lord who makes the storm clouds, and he will give them showers of rain, to everyone the vegetation in the field." I was reminded of something the Lord was teaching me this morning on the way to church. I drove past a small pond which is often full to the brim, but today I saw several inches of bare bank above the water level. I was surprised because I haven't been aware of a lack of rain. It seems to me to have rained quite a bit lately, but I tend to be more aware of those days than the amount of sunny ones in between them. But God spoke to me of his wisdom and faithfulness. I am so subjective and my measure of what is "best" is often what makes me most comfortable. Be glad God's wisdom is far beyond mine. He knows just how many sunny days to give and just how much rain we need to be full and effective for him. The direct result of those cool drizzly days are the flowers which are starting to come alive and the trees that are reawakening. God gets glory over how he perfectly measures and balances the sunshine with the storms. He is so trustworthy!

We had a fun day visiting with my sister Cheryl on Saturday. I love getting to spend time with her and my niece and nephew. Her husband was coaching his Quiz Bowl team in a tournament that day so we took the kids to That Fish Place and then later for a walk to a construction site in their neighborhood. Xavier and I had a blast and were smothered with hugs, kisses and giggles. Here are some fun shots from our day.

this eel had his mouth wide open at us like he was waiting to
chomp at anything that crossed his path - very intimidating

you probably can't tell but this hermit crab was about 6 or 7

inches tall and probably almost a foot long to the end of his shell

Xavier's Pet!

2008-03-29T08:00:00.004-04:00

Xavier has been asking for a pet. I am not an animal person by anyone's standard. Also, as long as I'm renting we are not allowed to have pets which is FINE with me! We were shopping for a birthday party a few weeks ago when we found these little toy animals which grow when you let them live in water for three weeks. So we brought a little lobster home to watch him grow. Xavier has talked about him like a pet and named him Hermie. This works for me! No training, No feeding. No clean up. No shots. Just 88 cents for three weeks of enjoyment!

Day 2, I think he had already grown a couple of inches overnight!

Week 2, he was promoted to a larger tub after this picture

Week 3 - I put him back in the old tub for perspectives sake

On another note we did something new and exciting today - with the help of our dear friends the Uchida's we purchased our first ever plane tickets! This August we will be flying (Lord willing) to Hawaii with them to visit their family and friends! We are very excited but it still seems unreal. I have never flown, I have never seen a palm tree, I have never seen ocean water which I would want to go into... this will be monumental! Being the newbie I am I picked window seats so Xavier and I can see just a bit more of the grandeur of our great big God and what he has created and perfectly maintains. I'm fully expecting this to be a huge worship experience! Please pray for us that our focus would be God-ward in anticipating and enjoying this gift! I've already been convicted that I am excited to tell people that I'm going to Hawaii so they will share my delight. Shouldn't I be even more excited about going to Heaven? Shouldn't that preoccupy my thoughts and overflow in my speech? And the kicker is - I can offer anyone I talk to a free invitation to join me by trusting in Christ's saving death and resurrection! Oh Lord, grow this heart in me!

Easter

2008-03-26T18:39:00.004-04:00

We had so much fun celebrating Easter! I'm not very successful at getting holiday pictures because I'm not a very aggressive photographer. I always feel bad for the kid surrounded by relatives calling, "Over here" "Now look this way" "Here sweetie, look at me!" So it's very rare that I end up with a picture of children actually looking at me. I found myself walking around behind Xavier and my nephew, Braden, taking pictures of their backs while they were hunting eggs and realized what a fruitless effort it was. Here are two I did snap which we can look at in a couple of years and actually be able to tell who it is and what they were doing.

I wanted to get a full group shot because there were so many people there I love (including my brother-in-laws parents and our dear friends the Uchida's!) but my sister Cheryl, her husband Addie, and my darling niece and nephew weren't with us so it just didn't feel the same. We missed you guys and are looking forward to seeing you Saturday!!!

My favorite Easter decoration I saw this year was a wooden cross someone had standing in their front lawn. It was about 5 feet tall and I could tell that there was something written on it as I was driving past. I slowed down enough to see on the cross bar it read, "SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO". Another one I loved were the banners waving from a big old church next door to my work. They were bright purple with a gold crown of thorns on them and simply said, "Thank you Jesus!" The Lord gave me a sweet season of contemplating the price he's paid for my soul. No one needs a Savior more than me!Thank you Jesus!!!

I saw these cute little toys while I was shopping before Easter and couldn't resist picking them up for my nephew to play with on Easter. I figured I would get some for Xavier too so they could both play, but apparently the novelty increases with age. They have suction cups and springs so a few seconds after you push them down they pop up in the air and you can catch them in the basket. No one was very successful at it, but Lori and Jason seem to be enjoying themselves with Xavier. Braden was in the background throwing one up in the air and trying to catch it. I love being silly with them :-)

Nicknames and Super Powers

2008-03-05T20:36:00.003-05:00

Xavier has been telling me about a movie he watched at daycare called "Shark Boy and Lava Girl". We saw it at the library this weekend so I decided to watch it with him and get a perspective on what he had seen. This boy has two imaginary- friend-type characters which the movie is named after. They call each other various nicknames throughout the film and at one point Shark Boy calls Lava Girl, "L.G." I told Xavier I have a coworker who always calls me, "L.G." (I requested that he find a nickname for me which was maybe a bit cuter and more feminine. That didn't work out so well so we've settled on "L.G.") Here is the conversation that unfolded from there:

Me: L.G. can be my Super Hero name

Xavier: Nuh-uh, you don't have any super powers!

Me: Sure I do. I'm electrically charged and shock everything I touch (this is true, not counting an absurd amount of people, in the last week I have shocked myself of a hamburger bun and a plant! I don't understand how this is physically possible! I defy physics)

Xavier: Well I have a real super power!

Me: What's your super power?

Xavier: Trusting in the Lord

Me (laughing): Where did you get that power?

Xavier: That's easy - it only comes from the Lord!

I love this little guy! "My inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right" Proverbs 23:16

Sledding

2008-02-23T11:42:00.008-05:00

I can't honestly claim this is our "first snow" of the winter. We've had one or two before this but it's all melted overnight so we haven't really been able to enjoy it until this time around. Many mornings we drive up over the mountain to get to school/ work and see evidence that it had snowed but we still had nothing in The Valley. Yesterday Xavier's school and daycare were both closed due to the weather but I had to work so my mom graciously offered to take him for the day. I was excited for him because they have a great hill for kids to sled on which all 6 of us enjoyed over the years. I received an email mid-morning with pictures of him playing in the snow and a little love note that he typed to me. Very sweet!

This morning Xavier and I finally got to go sledding together. He generously shared one of his sleds with me and we had a blast. Also, the Lord "healed" my camera!!! I haven't had the means to replace or fix it so I just kept praying that God would make it work again... and sure enough it did! So here are the videos I was able to get today and the silly mohawk pictures from a couple of weeks ago.

Isn't it amazing that this is our backyard? I can't get over the Lord's goodness to our family!

one of our many races

This is Xavier going down backwards and pulling my sled along with him :-)

"Good" Songs

2008-02-09T19:19:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything and there are a few reasons for that; one being the fact that my camera died, and with it some of my enthusiasm for posting. So you missed the last picture I snapped before it went: Xavier grabbed body wash instead of shampoo to clean his hair and used about three times as much as I do to clean my whole body. He used this thick substance to form a mohawk all the way from his forehead to the nape of his neck. That was the night I resolved to trim his hair because it stood up a few inches!

Things have been pretty "ordinary" here as of late, but I'm always amazed how the Lord kindly draws me to himself even in the "mundane". One of the ways he's done that lately is through songs that are full of truth. I've loved music as long as I can remember. Several months ago at one of the worship team rehearsals Thom shared a quote from a popular artist; something to the effect of : If ever asked whether I am religious I reply Yes, I'm a Musician. The point of him sharing that was to highlight that we are not primarily musicians - rather we are saved sinners, Christians who happen to be musicians for the glory of God.

Music definitely used to be an idol for me and can be still more than I realize I'm sure. I used to identify myself (and others) by what kind of music I listened to. I thought that should inform how someone dressed, spoke, acted, who they hung out with... What used to define a "good" song in my mind was the bass line, the drums, the singer, did it make me want to dance? There have been so many times that a song from my past will pop into my head and I'll just start singing it unconsiously and the Lord kindly says - You're singing the World's song - and realigns my thoughts toward him. He alone deserves my song! Some of the best CD's I know to help with this are the Red Mountain Church CD's (which I keep borrowing from Keri rather than buying my own - I'm feeling the itch again Keri). Here are some of the lyrics which have been on my lips and in my heart these last few weeks. It's only by God's grace that I now view these as gooood songs!

**Lord dissolve my frozen heart by the beams of love divine, this alone can warmth impart to dissolve a heart like mine. Oh that love how vast it is, vast it seems though known in part, strange indeed if love like this should not melt the frozen heart.**

**Oh when Great God thy light divine hath shown on this dark soul of mine, then I beheld with trembling awe the terrors of thy holy law, the terrors of thy holy law. Should vengeance still my soul pursue, death and destruction are my due, yet mercy can my soul forgive and bid this dying sinner live, Lord bid this dying sinner live. Does not thy sacred word proclaim salvation free in Jesus' name? To him I look and humbly cry, "Lord save a wretch condemned to die, Lord save this wretch condemned to die!"**

**There fastened to the rugged wood by holy loves resistless claim, and life deriving from thy blood, never to wander wide again, there may I bow my suppliant knee and own no other Lord but thee**

**Finished are the types and shadows of the ceremonial law, finished all that guilt had promised, death and hell no more shall awe, It is Finished! It is Finished! Saints from hence your comfort drawn. It is Finished! It is Finished! Saints from hence your comfort drawn**

**A robe is provided their shame now to hide, in which none are clothed but Jesus' bride, though it be costly yet is the robe free and all Zion's mourners shall decked with it be**

**What mighty sum paid all my debt when I a bond man stood, and has my soul at freedom set? Tis Jesus' precious blood. What stream can sweep away my sins just like a flood, nor lets one guilty blemish stay? Tis Jesus' precious blood!**

Number 2!

2008-01-13T15:10:00.000-05:00

In case Xavier didn't show you his latest "man badge" yet, he lost another tooth on Saturday. I sent a baggie and gauze pad with him to school on Friday since they were on a field trip and he gets a little dramatic when he sees blood. But I'm so grateful the Lord has allowed me to be there for both teeth coming out so far. However, I had a bad mommy moment right after it came out. He was spitting blood into the sink, so as soon as I had him biting on the gauze I turned on the faucet to rinse the sink and sent his little white trophy right down the drain. A popsicle helped him forget my little blunder. One more reason to be thankful I've never fed into the Tooth Fairy lie. (He told me last time it would be ok to put money under his pillow anyway)

This week Xavier was in his first school play. The poor little guy yawned through half of it and would zone out at times for a line or two, but really enjoyed himself. He had some friends come out to see his debut and celebrate with him afterwards. Thanks for being there guys! We treasure your families and the friendships the Lord has given us!

This is the whole school (K - 6th) !

Xavier's two-line duet with a classmate

the After-Party with friends

The Definition of 'Redeem'

2008-01-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

When I was a child my sisters and I had this cassette tape (which we thought was pretty cool at the time) by a man named Jonathan Sprout. I'm still amused by the thought of it. There was one song I remember entitled "Word Worm". He sang about how he loved to grow his vocabulary and got excited over big words. It doesn't surprise me that should be the one to stick in my mind 20 years later. I've been fascinated by language for as long as I can remember. I feel this compulsion to know the definition, correct spelling and proper usage of words - even outside of the English language! Many times I'll hear someone use a word (sometimes while CB's preaching) and if I don't know it I just jot it down to go home and study it. I even have dictionary.com saved as one of my "Favorites" links on my work computer so I don't have to wait until 5:00!

Tonight I was looking in my throat with a flashlight and wondering what the purpose of a uvula is. My assumption is it's some sort of choking prevention mechanism, but enlighten me if I'm wrong. I thought my trusty dictionary may be able to shed some light on it so I looked it up, but alas, all I learned is that in Latin it means "little grape"!!!??? As usually happens, while I was flipping to the desired page other words were catching my attention that I wanted to read about. The dictionary has been a tool for worship to me countless times over these last 6-1/2 years. Tonight God kindly drew my eyes to the word 'redeem'.

Hopefully this encourages your heart the way it did mine. According to The American Heritage Dictionary:
re-deem 1. to recover ownership of by paying a specified sum. 2. To pay off (e.g., a promissory note). 3. To turn in and receive something in exchange (e.g, a coupon) 4. To set free; rescue. 5. To save from sinfulness. 6. To make up for: redeem an earler mistake

Now it hits me differently when I consider Christ Jesus "who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." (Titus 2:14, but start in verse 11 because that whole section is awesome!) He has redeemed me in every sense of the word. May I ever grow in my consciousness of that truth and live in response to it!

A New Look for Christmas...

2007-12-29T08:08:00.000-05:00

We had such a fun time celebrating our Savior coming with our family. Almost all of my immediate family was able to go to church together on Christmas Eve. (Even Dawn was able to leave in the middle of her work shift, despite the fact that they were over-worked and short-handed her coworkers wanted to release her to be with her family at church! What kindness from God!) Xavier was giddy over the fact that he got to hold a lit candle at the end of the service. My 21 month old nephew, Braden, was pretty excited as well. Through the service he collected as many unlit candles as his little hands could hold from other family members.

Christmas morning Xavier found his last verse in the stocking for this year, "For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Savior who is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:11 Then we finally read over the biblical accounts of Christmas. We had our traditional holiday breakfast of cinnamon rolls, then Xavier and I opened presents together - Thanks Dawn for taking him shopping for me, that was so much fun!.

Later we joined my family for lunch and lots of snuggle time with my niece and nephews. Evening brought more relatives and mountains of presents. We are so blessed to have a large family and all live so close together! Thank you guys for how you love to lavish Xavier with gifts. We're so grateful for your generosity! Hopefully this weekend I'll get around to finding a "home" for all of the new things he received. They're still sitting under our tree waiting to be put away.

Annelise, Braden, Logan & Xavier

I think the highlight of this Christmas for Xavier was the "gift" he got on Christmas Eve. He's had a wiggly tooth for a few weeks now and was finally able to pop it out on Monday. He kept saying, "I can't believe I'm going to lose my tooth on Christmas Eve!!!" When he realized it was pretty close to coming out he became frantic and started saying, "Call the Ruths!" (our landlords) He knew he would see the family in a couple of hours at the church service and wanted to surprise them. But our dear neighbors the Ruths had to know now! As soon as he was able I let him call them and they very kindly received his news with much enthusiasm :-) They are so precious to us!

Sock-it Stuffing

2007-12-16T16:31:00.000-05:00

I openly admit to not correcting Xavier when he uses cute names for things instead of proper titles. I was reminded again this Christmas that he hasn't yet caught on to the term "stocking". I think each year he gets it down by the time Christmas actually arrives, but when he finds them in the box of decorations he gets all excited to hang his "sock-it".

We hang them on our bedroom door knobs since we have no fire place. In the past I've done the traditional small gifts in the stocking while he's sleeping on Christmas Eve for him to find in the morning. This time he was so eager he kept asking me the day we hung them (December 1st) if I would put candy in while he slept. I did not. It didn't dampen his enthusiasm in the least. The next morning while I was in the shower he emptied his candy jar into my stocking along with a note that read, "I love you Mommy!" I realize at this point it's a great opportunity to meet his anticipation with a fun and memorable way to lay the gospel before him... but how? I'm not creative and I avoid contexts where I'm expected to be, but God kindly meets me in my weakness and gives me "light bulb moments" any way.

The next day we began a new tradition. I stuff his sock-it every night and when he wakes he finds a "secret message" which is a scripture prophesying the Messiah. He reads it to me and we talk about how Jesus fulfilled it. He then pastes it on a sheet of paper so he has a visual reminder of (just a small portion of ) the ways Christ was proved to be the promised One. In past years we've read through the accounts of Jesus' birth in the Gospels, but this has been so refreshing for me. It's provided times for considering what it was like to wait so eagerly for Immanuel to come. Living this side of the cross can be so comfortable for me. I am able to see God's plan for redemption in a way that his people could not 2000 years ago. In the midst of this season I've been introduced to the song "Hope Has Come" from the Sovereign Grace Christmas CD. I love that song!!! May I never take Christ's arrival for granted! Alleluia! Hope has come!

Look Mommy!

2007-12-14T20:43:00.000-05:00

While I was driving Xavier to school this morning he says, "Look Mommy!" I glance over my shoulder and see him staring back at me smiling. I don't get it. But as soon as I look back to the road he says a little more urgently, "No Mommy, look." I tell him that I can't keep looking back while I'm driving and I'm not sure what he wants me to see. He then explains that he is flaring his nostrils to the beat of the music! (Silly me, how could I miss that?)

Who would think of doing that? Yet it seemed to fit our family so well. A few months ago at a family gathering we were all sitting around discussing (and demonstrating) what weird muscles we can move. For example: raising your eyebrows independently, crossing your eyes, wiggling your ears, curling your tongue, flaring your nostrils, etc. I can do pretty many, but flaring my nostrils is not one of them. That's probably not how most family's spend a day together, but hey... they're mine.

New Shoes!

2007-12-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

We had the Franks' over this week and they brought bags of outgrown clothes for Xavier. I love "free shopping" and God kindly provides opportunities for me to indulge in it. There was one particular treasure I found in the bundles that I knew Xavier would really enjoy. A pair of cowboy boots! (Forgive me if that's not the 'politcally correct' term) They're still too big so don't expect a public appearance any time soon, but he has fun wearing them around the house and has endearingly named them his "Texas Shoes". I think it's funny that he associates them with Texas. Where do they pick up on this stuff? I think it's official - we're country now. It's crept in over the last year and a half. Can you see me in a pick up truck??? Hmm...

A Busy Day

2007-12-01T18:53:00.000-05:00

We had such a nice day today welcoming December. For some reason that last week of November seemed extra long and I found myself eager to turn the page on each of my calendars. Xavier and I woke up early this morning and went back to the pond to watch the sunrise. We had fun exploring things back there until it finally peeked over the mountain. We watched the wind blowing the water, found an old hunting fort up in a tree, and discovered that those green walnuts that fall off the trees in summer sink, but once they turn brown in the winter they float. Xavier tested this several times and we watched a whole fleet of them bob down the creek. We talked about the heavens declaring the glory of God, how the Bible says the sun runs its course with joy in worship to God and that he deserves to be praised from the time it rises until it sets, and sat on the bank singing The Heavens They Preach. Here are some fun shots from our special morning.

When we came in Xavier was pretty cold and asked for Hot Cocoa with breakfast. So he "ate" it from his favorite Toy Soldier mug.

This one is a sunset from last week.

My sister Jill, her boyfriend Andrew and my mom joined us for lunch and then we headed over to the Poinsettia Show at Glick's Greenhouse! That's becoming a new family tradition for us and I really enjoy it. They do such a nice job decorating and drawing a crowd, then displaying the gospel. It's really neat! We got to hear two Mr. Drago's and one Mr. Eder play and visited with some friends from church. Xavier enjoyed farm toys with Nate, Jeremiah, Benny, Rachael and Ashlyn. Then we found the Candy Land room! Xavier said to a boy next to him, "I wish I could eat all of this stuff! Except the paper and wood."

We also tackled some decorating at home. Over the summer we had some water damage in the basement and lost most of our Christmas decorations. I hoped to buy new ones as the time approached, but God has made it clear that's not where my money is to go right now. So my mom brought me a real vintage tree from my Nana's attic. It's at least 40 years old. I was a little skeptical, but we had fun and it looks better than I expected. It is a metallic tree with a "Color Wheel" and spot light that you shine on it rather than stringing lights. I think it's funny, Xavier thinks it's pretty cool. In case you don't get over to see it I thought I'd share the visual effects. Where do people come up with this stuff?

The Game of Life and Silly Sayings

2007-11-21T21:14:00.000-05:00

Since today was Thanksgiving Eve I decided we should get the celebration under way. I told Xavier we could do whatever he wanted. He chose to play a game and asked every 30 seconds from the time I pulled in the driveway, "Can we play now?" Finally we sat down with cold ham sandwiches at the coffee table for The Game of Life. This was the first time he's really been able to do the math himself (for the most part) and work out what bills to give me. I had a sad sobering moment when he drew his Salary Card and I realized the great potential for it to be higher than mine and had to pray for God to guard my heart against covetting. It's a board game!!! He did end up with a higher salary than mine, but come on, $50,000 on each Pay Day should not cause grumbling in my heart. At one point he declared, "Look how many rich dollars I have!" I was encouraging him not to boast in that because it's all a gift and reminding him of Job - that we can lose everything we're given in this world. Just then he landed on a square saying his house was hit by a tornadoe and he had to pay some large sum to fix it. I said to myself, "There, that's what you get." I spun and landed on the same spot a moment later. God mocks proud mockers. He did win the game by a landslide and I was delighted for him.

Because I love reading kids quotes I'm compelled to share some of the ones that have made me smile this week:

During the game tonight Xavier landed on a square that said he had won a talent contest. I asked him what his talent was. He said "Like a squid's talents?" And started walking around like a penguin. It took a few seconds to realize he was thinking of 'tentacles'. I explained the difference and he said his talent would be, "Racing... with my legs."

When he landed on the space to Get Married -

Me: Yea! You're getting married! What's your bride's name?

Xavier: Umm... I'll call her "Cuteness!"

The other day driving on the bypass -

Xavier: Momma, Can I tell you a 'get it joke'?

Me: A 'get it joke'? What's that?

Xavier: A highway, get it? It's high and it's a way.

(I've been waiting for this corny joke age and it's finally hit)

A few weeks ago just laying on the living room floor together trying to make up jokes -

Xavier: Knock Knock

Me: Who's there?

Xavier: Serious

Me: (snickering) Serious Who?

Xavier: Serious Seal

I tried to explain that it doesn't make sense, that's not the way a knock knock joke works, that is wasn't really funny

Xavier: (about 30 seconds later) Then why are you still laughing?

I was still laughing over the fact that he used the word "Serious" as a punch line, I love being silly with him

Last night as we were reading about God saving for himself people from every tribe, tongue and nation I was asking Xavier to think of friends he has that don't quite look like him, that maybe have different colored skin. He didn't seem to get it.

Me: Maybe their skin isn't white like yours.

Xavier: My skin's not white! It's more Taco color.

That is in fact the name written on the crayon he uses to color people's flesh in coloring books.

And I have to throw this one in for Stacey so everyone can see it! Xavier saw a picture of Bo Derek recently (an appropriate one) and said, "That looks just like Mrs. Hoffman." You'll have to tell Al about that one.

Finally, an oldie but a goodie. I think of this every time I see Steve and Marie serving in Children's Ministry like they did last week and I expect will again this Sunday. This is a conversation Xavier and I had some Saturday several months back.

Me: Mr and Mrs Ruoss will be teaching you tomorrow.

Xavier: Ohhh (whiney)

Me: But you love them!

Xavier: I know, but they see everything I do!

Don't they serve us well? ;-)

Sweet Meditations

2007-11-15T21:13:00.000-05:00

This has been such a sweet week in the word! Xavier and I just finished Proverbs in our morning reading and we're going through Psalms together again. Today was Psalm 19. I love this Psalm! Sometimes when he's been angry about discipline or he seems to be discouraged I just read through verses 7-11 and have him repeat each line to me. Because God's word is living and active we are both transformed by this practice. We need to be reminded of how good God is and that the boundaries he has set are the outworkings of that. If you're not familiar with this passage I would strongly recommend you review it ASAP. Your heart will be strengthened!

In my personal quiet times I've been reading through Hosea. Wow! God has shown me more mercy than even I know! As I was reading chapter 2 I had to tremble at the wrath I've earned (yet not even close to an appropriate sense of fear). I saw at one point that I was scared to keep reading. I'd had enough. I didn't want to see anymore. But at the height of my sin being laid bare come these words in verse 14, "Therefore (now I'm really scared, what is the result of all I've just read), behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness (I'm cringing at what comes next, but then...) and speak tenderly to her." He offers me a "door of hope" verse 15 says - Christ! "And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband'" v. 16 "And I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD." v. 19-20 Why does he meet my sin with such mercy? How is it that I'm loved by so ferocious a Lover? Even with eternity to worship this God I will never give him his due.

As Xavier often takes longer to eat supper than I do, I try to seize that time for something beneficial. We have what I refer to as a "Dessert Book", which I'll read to him while he's finishing his meal. We've been going through John Piper's "The Passion of Jesus Christ." One night this week we were discussing how Christ has crushed the power of sin and that Satan and the rest of the fallen angels battle against us but Christ has already secured our victory. So most of this goes over a six year old's head. I can't even grasp but tiny bits of it, but if it's in God's word it's worth discussing at the dinner table. I was telling him about that Carman song that depicts the battle that goes on at the cross and how the dark side may have thought God was being defeated as Christ breathed his last. The demons expect a "ten count" but the song portrays the Judge counting backwards, and when he reaches 1 Christ rises in victory. Xavier thought that was pretty funny. I kind of like it myself. As I finish eating I opened the dessert book and read, "He set aside [the legal brief against us], nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him." Colossians 2:14-15 These are the same "rulers" and principalities that Eph. 6:12 tells us we battle against. He has disarmed them, triumphed over them, and put them to open shame! Doesn't this book bring the best news to weary sinners? I love it!

In the evenings we've been going through Numbers. I have been sobered by God's patience and just wrath that are shown toward Israel. There is a theme of complaining that runs through the text and how God's anger is kindled over this. I see so much of this in my own heart and I need to revisit these chapters where God's punishment is displayed. One of the passages that sticks out each time I read it though is Numbers 9:15-23 which describes the people following the cloud over the tabernacle. If you've ever questioned me about contentment you may have heard me mention my fear of things staying the same. Not that there's anything wrong with the place I'm in. I just crave change. I like variety. I have to guard against complaining when there seems to be nothing big going on at all. So I love how verse 23 simply says, "At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out." It even specifically says that sometimes it moved the next day and other times it stayed still for days. They just watched and waited and knew that there was no where else for them to be, but where the Lord brought them that day. I want that heart!

Thank you ladies to each of you who have been praying for me. I know I've confessed to several of you over the last year how I can be reluctant to share the gospel with Xavier when I'm faced with his sin. I'm tempted to try bringing conviction myself and not offer him hope until I see that he's sorry. The Lord was showing me this week how he's been at work in my heart here. He has been dazzling me with the gospel and allowing me the joy of holding it out to my son as well! It's been so releasing and has made for sweeter discipline and repentance times together! I'm so glad he loves me enough to discipline me as his daughter and holds me as I seek to follow his gentle example.

Now can I ask for your prayers in another area? A couple of months ago I was having lunch with a dear friend who always tells me the truth in love. As we were discussing something that had been troubling me and revealing my sin that week she concluded that God is walking me through this process of refining and solidfying what I really believe about purity. I didn't give it much thought at the time, assuming that this circumstance would be an isolated one and not really the beginning of a "process". Looks like she was right again ;-) It's had many faces over the last few weeks, but there's definitely a battle going on. Please pray that I would be grounded in truth and able to respond humbly to each new situation that arises while God is teaching me about how to honor him as a single woman. This post is super long already so I won't go in to more detail, but please don't hesitate to ask me about it. I need accountability and confession here. Thanks for being great sisters! I thank God for each of you!

Leaves!!! and some other stuff

2007-11-12T21:01:00.000-05:00

I have really been enjoying the leaves changing colors this autumn. Xavier and I act like we're on a thrill ride as I drive him to school in the morning. There's one particular stretch where I say, "Now watch when we go around this corner!" and it seems like each day the leaves are brighter and more diverse in their colors than the day before. It started with a patch of bright red ivy that turned while everything else around it was still green, and it just seems to have spread from there. One more thing I love about living in the country - leaves! We didn't have many of those in Reading.

Here are some pictures of us enjoying our abundant gift of colorful leaves, and a shot of the trees in our yard just because it proves that God gives me the desire of my heart. He knows how I love peach and crimson leaves and that's just what he's given me. Then there's a shot of Xavier hanging one of our "Thankful Leaves". In past November's I've constructed some type of tree and cut out paper leaves for us to write things we are thankful for on. Since we have such lovely little beauties right outside of our door I figured this year I'd skip the time and work of fabricating leaves and just use the real thing. This has allowed us to be more generous with our list as well. Instead of just doing one a day we can grab a handful on the way in after work! God is so good. Here's my favorite part :on my first leaf I wrote "peach colored leaves"; Xavier takes his first leaf and writes, "the cross". We have much to be thankful for!!!

You know I'm excited when I take this many pictures!

our special guests on Saturday enjoying the leaves

Ok, this has nothing to do with leaves, but it's a great picture. He's wearing a mustache as a beard.

Then there was Xavier's first appointment with his new dentist, Dr. Ruoss! He has gone with me to Dr. Ruoss' office a couple of time now and my hygenist showed him how all the equipment works and even let him look at some X-rays. Then he saw Josiah's pictures from the dentist so he wanted me to take a picture of him as well. I'm glad I brought the camera because he did a great job and his hygenist had a pretty smart way of helping kids relax. She gave him some shades to block the bright light they have to shine on you!

Hope you're having a great fall!

Fire Feet

2007-11-02T21:39:00.000-04:00

My little man brings me so much joy. I love how God has given him a happy and silly spirit that is eager to make others laugh! We both enjoy a good beat and often have fun (and get exercise) by dancing. This is a clip of him boogying tonight to a Toby Mac song. He talks about "his moves" but I found out tonight he has names for some of them! Look for the part where he pauses for a moment and then you'll see him bust out with his signature move "Fire Feet". Named for the feeling of friction while he's moving like a maniac! If you ever get the chance, you should see how his eyes light up if he hears the song "Footloose". Maybe all of those musicals I've watched with him are paying off. He could be the next Gene Kelly!

Favorite Song Poll

2007-10-28T16:27:00.000-04:00

God has been so kind to give me these Sunday afternoons as "alone time". But I have to confess - when Gene asked if he could spend time with Xavier every Sunday my heart was not joyful! Sunday afternoons are my only down time usually and I love getting to spend that with my little guy, but it's something God's called me to sacrifice right now and he's been giving me something so much better. He's been regularly calling me closer to him in these times.

Someone approached me today and asked what my favorite Christmas song is. It seemed a bit random, but it turned out to have a point. So today I left church with that question fresh in my mind. I was so excited to get home and break out an old hymnal that my mom gave me from her piano bench a few years ago. It was so sweet to read over the lines of the old familiar songs. Just the tune makes me giddy like I used to get singing them at Christmas Eve services. I love Christmas music. I have to restrain myself, but I love waiting until after Thanksgiving to play Christmas CD's so I don't grow overly familiar with them. I love that season of deeper consideration of how far Christ came to save his people.

So here are the ones in the running. I'm hoping to get input from others as to what their favorites are. You may vote for one I have listed or tell me your own. Maybe I haven't thought of it.

O Come O Come Emmanuel
Angels From the Realms of Glory
Hark, The Herald Angels Sing
Joy To The World
O Little Town of Bethlehem

Each time I open this old hymnal I find new treasures. I enjoy the fact that I don't know the tune to most of the songs. It allows me to focus more on the words. Here are two excerpts that delighted my heart today:

The King of love my Shepherd is,
Whose goodness faileth never;
I nothing lack if I am His,
And He is mine forever.
from The King of Love My Shepherd Is by Henry W. Baker

Upon that cross of Jesus mine eye at times can see
The very dying form of One who suffered there for me;
And from my smitten heart with tears two wonders I confess,
The wonders of His glorious love and my unworthiness.
I take, O cross, thy shadow for my abiding place;
I ask no other sunshine than the sunshine of His face;
Content to let the world go by, to know no gain or loss,
My sinful self my only shame, my glory all the cross.
from Beneath the Cross of Jesus by Elizabeth C Clephane

The Trial of .... Wellness?

2007-10-21T21:02:00.000-04:00

Wellness meaning health here. Most people would not look at this as a trial, and if you're in the "trial of illness" right now you may even resent me referring to good health that way. If that's the case I do not mean to minimize how exhausting,and at times excruciating, it can be to have an extended illness or be caring for a loved one who does. But I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man." We are often tempted to discontenment when we have the very thing our neighbor may be begging for.

I enjoy being sick, but it doesn't happen very often. I also like when my son is sick, but I have to clarify here that the few times in his life he has been sick have been very mild. He doesn't get many symptoms and will typically mention an ailment just once in passing. Then I take him to the Dr and find out there's something going on in there. I love the opportunity to stay home and care for him, but God has really grown me here over these last 6 years so that I'm not seeing that fist-shaking hard-heartedness I used to. No doubt the folly of this is obvious. What sane mother would want herself and her child to be ill? I think the sinful side of it comes down to the fact that I'm lazy. I like an excuse to lie around and not do any work. I'm proud. I want people to make a fuss over me and cater to me. But I also genuinely love getting to pamper my little guy and comfort him when he's feeling his need for it.

This past week I've had a cold and cough . I have thoroughly enjoyed it even though it's much too mild for me to really consider myself sick. I saw irritation at the fact that a coworker of mine was sicker than I was and people were concerned for her. I was not. I was judgmental of her and had to repent and deliberately pursue compassion. God's getting me there. Then on Thursday night I found out my good friend, Daphne, had pneumonia last Sunday (but didn't know it) and I had spent about 4 hours just an arm's-length away from her - yet I didn't get sick! I was amused at God's sovereignty. He chooses to give me what is good, rather than my heart's desire. Today I was expecting old friends to join us for lunch, but I got a call from Gary saying his wife Rachel was ill and in the hospital but much recovered and being released today, however they would not be able to make it. God did grant me compassion this time, but I saw again just how he tests me. Do I really want his will for me? Or do I want what he has for others?

I had some time alone this afternoon and after dropping Xavier off at his dad's I drove past an old cemetary on the way home. It was a beautiful day, I had time to spend, and I wanted to be outside somewhere with solitude. My mom loves old cemetaries as do a few of my friends so I figured it would be a good place to stop. From the time I arrived there God laid on my heart Psalm 39:4 " O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am!" I looked at memorials to families who lost several children at a young age. One couple buried 6 children all under a year old, most under 6 months in less than 8 years. Another couple had 6 stillborn children over the course of 7 years, and then one child who was with them for 2 years and one for 6 years. That affected my heart. Why do I take my health for granted and even grumble over it? Because I'm sinful. I needed a Savior to pardon my unbelief.

I sat on a bench that was close to the road and at one point I was distracted by a car with loud music passing by and the Lord gave me this vivid memory: 10 years ago I was in the back of an open Jeep with about 10 other people (no we were not wearing seat belts :-o !) flying down that very road with a keg of beer, drinking it from the hose because we weren't waiting to get to the party. Who would have guessed that just a decade later I would be sitting in this cemetary being gently taught about contentment? I deserved to be there, but not in that context!

He gave me so many other nugget lessons on my little stroll. I saw new grass budding on fresh ground and considered how God, in his mercy, has ordained that I might be one who hears the word and receives it (see Matthew 13 for the parable of the sower). My eyes regularly landed on a tombstone engraved with the last name of a coworker and God gently impressed on me the urgency of sharing his glorious gospel with those around me and led me to pray earnestly for individuals. I even looked up at one point to see the name 'Gross' staring back at me and the vision of me just yards away loving my sin a few years ago returned and I wept with gratitude. I have been forgiven and saved from much!

I may not always have the health he's given me now and I don't want to waste it. Lord, help me to love you with all of my strength!

Egg Rolls in Heaven

2007-10-15T21:15:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago Xavier and I were sharing a two pack of Butterscotch Krimpets (how kind of God to give some person the idea to make them!). We were talking about how much we enjoy them and all the many good gifts God lavishes on us. I asked him, "If food is this good here, what do you think the feast in Heaven will be like?" His eyes lit up as he exclaimed that we'll have a McDonald's and Taco Bell right in our house. He began talking about hamburgers, and one million billion triple chicken patties (now, mind you, there will be no gluttony in Heaven), but then he remembered *egg rolls* . We both have a particular fondness for nice crispy pork egg rolls. He was giddy with delight.

Saturday we were going over the songs for worship (one of the benefits of being privy to the worship set before Sunday AM) and talking about the line in "Glories of Calvary" that says "your saints below join with your saints above rejoicing in the risen Lamb." We started talking about his Great Grandma who went to Heaven just last year. He has fond memories of her though he was so young when she passed. He laughed and said, "Hey, she beat us. In our family we can have a race to see who gets to Heaven first." That's a bitter-sweet thought, but what an excellent way to look at it! He then became concerned that Great Grandma may eat all of the egg rolls before he gets there. I assured him that she can not sin now that she is with Jesus and away from her flesh. She will surely have saved some just for him! That cheered him up a great deal and we had fun continuing to contemplate what she is doing right now. Considering the reality that she is enjoying the sight of the risen Lamb and beholding his surpassing glory! spurs me on to run harder.

Happy Harvest

2007-10-14T15:42:00.000-04:00

The last two Autumn's we've been blessed to enjoy "Harvest" in a new and beautiful way. Since moving to the country and having a corn field right next to us we've gotten to watch our landlord, Joe, as he's prepared the ground, planted the seed, seeing the crop come in and flourish (even waking up some mornings in July to a bag of sweet corn on our porch, the Ruth's are so kind to us) and then comes the harvest. This is what all the hard work, early mornings, praying for rain and sunshine and waiting patiently were for. There was investment and trust involved, and God was faithful. God's been reminding me again of Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on , however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who are trained by it." That verse has been the topic of many conversations in our home over the last 4 years or so, as we are daily in the exercise of discipline. I grow weary so quickly and give in to doubt. But God is faithful and he has forgiven me much! He will bring the harvest in his time. I'm seeing the sprouts in Xavier's life and I'm so grateful for the gift God has given me in my son. I trust the Lord will conquer Xavier's heart and give him a deep love for his Savior, and just like his mommy he'll never be able to boast in himself, but only in the cross of Christ.

Yesterday we took our annual trip to Pumpkin Land. Each year we are joined by more family members. This year my mom and two of my sisters, Dawn and Jill, came with us. Hopefully soon we'll be able to bring my nieces and nephews to enjoy the fun as well. The highlight for the past two years has been the short (kiddie length) corn maze. Dawn, Jill, Xavier and I wait for opportunities when no other children are around and begin playing hide-and-seek-tag inside of it. The fun part is that you never really know who's "It" because you don't see the other people get tagged, so you end up paranoid of each family member you may meet with around the next corner. - Good times :-)

Then we admire all the pumpkins, gourds, Indian Corn and any animals they may have on display, but we always enjoy going in to the shop at the end, Green Valley Nursery. It's fun to see the room with Christmas decorations (yea!!! it's coming!!!), but most of our time in their is spent in the Yankee Candle room. We have to smell every candle they have and make a game of not letting Xavier see the label but asking him to guess the scent. He's quite good at it. That boy has a discerning nose! That's probably acquired from all of the practice he gets on our trips to Walmart. If I stop in the laundry or shampoo aisle we get stuck there for several minutes smelling each one. He gets very diappointed if I put the lid back on a bottle without him having a turn to smell as well. (My sisters are like that too. You should see us at Christmas, every present gets passed around and sniffed.)

During our outing Xavier was quite averse to having his picture taken and the only time I was successful in getting one was when I hid behind this cut out and he came to join me once I was found. Thanks Aunt Jill!

And Can It Be

2007-10-11T21:09:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks I've been in one of my favorite kind of seasons. God has been flooring me with grace. I've had countless opportunities to ponder what he has saved me from, yet I still haven't plumbed the depths of my sin and the wrath I've earned. I've been marveling over the fact that God chose to save me - it's against all human reason and logic. It just plain doesn't make sense, apart from the fact that God is love. I have to laugh when I think about 1 Cor. 1:27 "But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong". I read that and have to acknowledge, "Yep, there it is. It's all becoming clearer now." Who else has such wisdom? From that perspective I'm the perfect candidate for grace. What could display God's glory more than by saving someone as lost as I was?
Last night at worship rehearsal Thom was leading us through the song book alphabetically to re-establish even familiar songs since there are so many of us newbies who need practical help like that. What a blessing!!! The first song was "Across the Great Divide" which I declared was probably my very favorite song ever (I still think that's true), but as we went along I kept thinking, "No I love that one most, no that one!" Can you blame me? Look at the line up: Alas and Did My Savior Bleed, All Glory to You, All Hail the Power of Jesus Name, Amazing Grace... that's just some of them. Then we came to the one that has been the song of my heart through this sweet time - And Can it Be. How is it that I have found refuge in the blood of Christ? Why has he offered me free grace that cost him so much? My heart was so hard, I was not seeking God, how is it that he brought me to the cross any way?

And can it be that I should gain

An interest in my Savior's blood

Died he for me he caused his pain

For me who scorned his perfect love

Amazing love! How can it be

That you, my God, would die for me

Amazing love! How can it be

That you, my God, would die for me

Welcome!

2007-10-09T21:31:00.000-04:00

Thank you for taking the time to visit this blog. The whole 'blog concept' is relatively new to me. But as I've had the opportunity to visit blogs of some ladies who are very dear to me I've been surprised to find how much of a blessing they are! (Kelly, Audrey, Shannon and Danielle - Thank you for your example of being intentional to proclaim the Lord's goodness!) It seems overwhelming to try to keep up with friends and what is going on in their lives. That can hinder my prayers and ability to care for them, so it's been a gift from God to get little bits of insight on how these women are spending their days, where their seeing God's kindness and how they're feeling their weakness. You will not be impressed with my technological skills (if I can even get this to show up!), but hopefully what will catch your attention is the great love and mercy God continually pours over my life!

"You have multiplied, O LORD my God, your wondrous deeds

and your thoughts toward us, none can compare with you!

I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told." Psalm 40:5