Sweet Meditations

This has been such a sweet week in the word! Xavier and I just finished Proverbs in our morning reading and we're going through Psalms together again. Today was Psalm 19. I love this Psalm! Sometimes when he's been angry about discipline or he seems to be discouraged I just read through verses 7-11 and have him repeat each line to me. Because God's word is living and active we are both transformed by this practice. We need to be reminded of how good God is and that the boundaries he has set are the outworkings of that. If you're not familiar with this passage I would strongly recommend you review it ASAP. Your heart will be strengthened!

In my personal quiet times I've been reading through Hosea. Wow! God has shown me more mercy than even I know! As I was reading chapter 2 I had to tremble at the wrath I've earned (yet not even close to an appropriate sense of fear). I saw at one point that I was scared to keep reading. I'd had enough. I didn't want to see anymore. But at the height of my sin being laid bare come these words in verse 14, "Therefore (now I'm really scared, what is the result of all I've just read), behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness (I'm cringing at what comes next, but then...) and speak tenderly to her." He offers me a "door of hope" verse 15 says - Christ! "And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband'" v. 16 "And I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD." v. 19-20 Why does he meet my sin with such mercy? How is it that I'm loved by so ferocious a Lover? Even with eternity to worship this God I will never give him his due.

As Xavier often takes longer to eat supper than I do, I try to seize that time for something beneficial. We have what I refer to as a "Dessert Book", which I'll read to him while he's finishing his meal. We've been going through John Piper's "The Passion of Jesus Christ." One night this week we were discussing how Christ has crushed the power of sin and that Satan and the rest of the fallen angels battle against us but Christ has already secured our victory. So most of this goes over a six year old's head. I can't even grasp but tiny bits of it, but if it's in God's word it's worth discussing at the dinner table. I was telling him about that Carman song that depicts the battle that goes on at the cross and how the dark side may have thought God was being defeated as Christ breathed his last. The demons expect a "ten count" but the song portrays the Judge counting backwards, and when he reaches 1 Christ rises in victory. Xavier thought that was pretty funny. I kind of like it myself. As I finish eating I opened the dessert book and read, "He set aside [the legal brief against us], nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him." Colossians 2:14-15 These are the same "rulers" and principalities that Eph. 6:12 tells us we battle against. He has disarmed them, triumphed over them, and put them to open shame! Doesn't this book bring the best news to weary sinners? I love it!

In the evenings we've been going through Numbers. I have been sobered by God's patience and just wrath that are shown toward Israel. There is a theme of complaining that runs through the text and how God's anger is kindled over this. I see so much of this in my own heart and I need to revisit these chapters where God's punishment is displayed. One of the passages that sticks out each time I read it though is Numbers 9:15-23 which describes the people following the cloud over the tabernacle. If you've ever questioned me about contentment you may have heard me mention my fear of things staying the same. Not that there's anything wrong with the place I'm in. I just crave change. I like variety. I have to guard against complaining when there seems to be nothing big going on at all. So I love how verse 23 simply says, "At the command of the Lord they camped, and at the command of the Lord they set out." It even specifically says that sometimes it moved the next day and other times it stayed still for days. They just watched and waited and knew that there was no where else for them to be, but where the Lord brought them that day. I want that heart!

Thank you ladies to each of you who have been praying for me. I know I've confessed to several of you over the last year how I can be reluctant to share the gospel with Xavier when I'm faced with his sin. I'm tempted to try bringing conviction myself and not offer him hope until I see that he's sorry. The Lord was showing me this week how he's been at work in my heart here. He has been dazzling me with the gospel and allowing me the joy of holding it out to my son as well! It's been so releasing and has made for sweeter discipline and repentance times together! I'm so glad he loves me enough to discipline me as his daughter and holds me as I seek to follow his gentle example.

Now can I ask for your prayers in another area? A couple of months ago I was having lunch with a dear friend who always tells me the truth in love. As we were discussing something that had been troubling me and revealing my sin that week she concluded that God is walking me through this process of refining and solidfying what I really believe about purity. I didn't give it much thought at the time, assuming that this circumstance would be an isolated one and not really the beginning of a "process". Looks like she was right again ;-) It's had many faces over the last few weeks, but there's definitely a battle going on. Please pray that I would be grounded in truth and able to respond humbly to each new situation that arises while God is teaching me about how to honor him as a single woman. This post is super long already so I won't go in to more detail, but please don't hesitate to ask me about it. I need accountability and confession here. Thanks for being great sisters! I thank God for each of you!